Recently I saw an article that said that loneliness was the biggest cause of a short life. After the festive holiday times, when the sunshine is less and weather makes it difficult to gather with others, it becomes easy for loneliness to set in. When we feel lonely, instead of focusing on what might be missing from our life, can we shift our focus and experience the joy in being alone?
The ability to be alone is a great wealth. Ekant dhan—the wealth of being able to be by yourself—is so sweet, so rich. When we are not wishing for things to be different, with nothing flowing in from outside, we are self-contained. In this state, joy arises in the heart.
Dependence on something from outside for our own fulfillment becomes like a bottomless pit. We live in the world like hungry ghosts, constantly looking for something or someone to attach ourselves to. The true company that we seek is our own company, the company of the Self. Even our own senses are slowly leaving us – we cannot count on anything or anyone to be there forever.
As the story goes, there was a man who was accused of committing a crime. When he went to the courthouse, the judge said, “I know you are a good person, but you will need to find one witness who can come and vouch for your good character.”
First the man went to ask the friend who he spent the most time with – the friend he always thought about and tried to be around. The friend said, “I would do anything for you, give you anything you need, but I cannot go to the courthouse.”
The man was disappointed but remembered another friend who he saw from time to time. This second friend said, “I will participate in all your joys and sorrows, go wherever you want me to go. I will even go with you to the steps of the courthouse, but I cannot go inside”.
The man started to get nervous, then he thought of a friend that he would occasionally hang out with. This friend said, “Oh, sure – let’s go! I know the judge.” They went into the courthouse together and the man was acquitted.
Who are these three friends? The first one is money. We spend so much time obsessing about money. Money can help us, but it can only take us so far. The second: friends and family. We spend much of our time focused on our relationships with others. They can carry us on their shoulders, but even they cannot be with us all the time. The third friend is our own inner richness. It is the only friend that is available to us at every moment.
How sweet it feels just to be by yourself connecting with what is happening within. The loneliness that we feel and the need for things from outside diminishes. The more time we take to cultivate our friendship with our Self, the stronger the connection becomes.
Loneliness is very real, but there is a way out of it. Pay attention to your thoughts about loneliness and how much of your time you spend thinking about it. Shift your focus from what seems to be missing to the wealth that is inside you. Seek the company of the Self, the friend that is always there by your side.